Advent message week three

When I ran the Marathon last year, there were a whole slew of people around me all the way to the end.

Usually on long runs I’ve been on – anything longer than a few miles – by a few miles into the runs, you spread out, have some space between you and the other runners. Well, the Marine Corps Marathon was different. Not only where there a lot of on-lookers, supporters and “cheerers”, musical bands, etc., but there were a whole lot of people running with you… all the way through. But most people were “alone” in their pursuits. I mean, most people didn’t talk to each other. In the midst of 33,000 of your closest friends… surrounding you pretty much the whole run through, people weren’t there for community. They were there usually for one purpose- to finish the marathon in one piece.

But this reminds me of our typical lives here in suburbia. We’re surrounded by people all the time… cars, people in stores, people moving from one place to another. But we’re often alone in the middle of it all. I mean, we’re missing community. You don’t know the number of people I’ve talked with who have shared in one way or the other that they do not have many (or any) close friendships. Now, don’t get me wrong, people have friends/acquaintances – but strong, life-affirming relationships of real depth… not so much. And there are many, many people who lead some lonely lives because of it.

Now do all of us who are lonely recognize it as such? Probably not. Many perhaps recognize something as not-quite-right… there may be vague sense of emptiness, like a person with a low-grade fever who feels not all well, but may not recognize the depth of the problem.

I’m sure I told this story before, but at the risk of re-telling an old story to some of you, I’ll tell it again because it reflects this sense of being-lonely-among-many people idea. I think it was my last semester of my last year at seminary. We had international students often at Gettysburg studying with us. But since I was a commuter, I didn’t have much time to spend hanging around very much after class. But one day, while we were preparing for our finals, there I was in the school library and one of the international students was there as well. She was one of two students from Slovakia who were there, ending her year with us.

Now by that point I hadn’t had much time to get to know them much at all, so I figured I’d speak with her. When I got to a point where a break was in order, I told her I hadn’t had much time at all to get to know either her or her fellow Slovak friend, and considering she was soon going back home, I asked her what she thought about her experience in the US? She was sitting on the floor by that point. She turned to me and said, “Do you want the real answer, or do you want the answer you want to hear?” So I got up and sat on the floor near her and heard the real answer. She said she’d expected to find some relationships of depth and substance more than superficial engagement. Her experience was us Americans was that we built very quickly, but they were pretty shallow, with not much depth.

And yet we seem to want these kinds of relationships. We’re longing for relationships of depth and substance. Remember these shows? Take a look at the following clips and as you watch and listen to them, recognize what feelings or thoughts come up in you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqaSWj8ygrc And http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1MaIgdQWOg

These were some pretty long running shows! Let me ask you- do you miss them? Do you miss the characters, what they would do, the adventures, and experiences they would have… and share? Would you rush home on Thursdays at 8PM to be able to see the show?

And yet, as a collective body, we don’t know our neighbors! Many are pretty lonely! Many miss some human companionship of real depth. We miss being able to talk about our hopes, dreams, our troubles, our sorrows, etc. I wonder how many of us have experienced deep community in that way with others? We all know a lot of people for sure- don’t get me wrong. How many “friends” do you have on FaceBook? Now, how easy is it to deepen and sustain our relationships in 140 characters or less? Real depth ain’t about that! It’s about time! And I think that’s what the Slovak student was lamenting.

But it takes a while to find that depth in us. Greg Mortenson has spent many years building not only relationships but schools in Afghanistan. In his book “Three cups of tea”, he talks about this. One cup and you’re an acquaintance, two cups and you’re a friend… three cups and you’re family!

Some Native American traditions here in the US have ceremonies where they publicly recognize new relationships – such as two men becoming brothers, or an older couple taking on a younger person as a son or daughter. There are two men in my life that I recognized were like brothers to me. So I told them this is what I perceived, and that I thought of them this way in my life.

During this Advent, take some time to recognize the deep relationships in your life. Offer prayers of thanks for them. Seek ways of acknowledging them and strengthening them. Make it “official” if you want to. Take time to build them… there will come a time when we will need to fall back on our friends of depth, on our family in that way. There will come a time when we’ll need their support, their love, their blessing, their true friendship more than ever. But it takes work to build these relationships. Build them! We’ll be better off for it! However it happens - May this Advent bring its blessing of family to your life!

Pr. C-