This past Sunday

The first reading was in 1st Kings - where Elijah the prophet is asked by God to go to the mouth o the cave in which he is hiding (evidently the prophets were being hunted down and killed, and he's pretty much the last one left). So he does, and first he experiences a terrible wind that broke rocks off the mountain side, then there was an earthquake, and then some fire. But somehow Elijah knew God was not in any of these powerful and I would have to assume awe-inspiring and terrible natural events. Then there was the "still small voice", or the sound of crushed silence, or in another text, sheer silence. And THERE is where Elijah recognized God.

In the second reading - Romans 1o - Paul writes about believing, about faith! About confessing, not just with your mouth, but with your heart... and knowing this to your core, then salvation is yours.

And the Gospel story is of Jesus walking on water -although there's certainly more to it than that. Jesus has left his disciples to go pray off by himself. They find themselves in a boat, at night, during a raging windstorm. Waves rocking the boat, water splashing all over the place - I'm nausea was the least of their concerns. Then Jesus comes walking towards them. Peter sees this - in fact they all see this - and some start to question: it's a ghost or something like that. Jesus tell s them it's him. Peter says, "Lord, if it's really you, call me to you!" Now, he was probably shouting this over the sound of the wind and waves. So Jesus tells him to come. And Peter gets out and starts walking... and at one point he looks around, gets scared and starts to sink. "Lord, save me!" he says. It's at this point that Jesus grabs him, pulls him up and says the famous- "You of little faith. Why do you doubt!" and at this point the storms stop through Jesus command, and the others in the boat "worshiped" Jesus- which is the gospel writers way of saying they were awe struck by his power.

Considering the first reading... What do all the signs mean? How did Elijah know that God was NOT in the "mighty" wind, or the terrible earthquake, or the fire after? Somehow Elijah knew. I guess he knew how God operated. Maybe he had prior experience with this God? He knew.

What do all the signs mean in our lives? How do we interpret them? Years ago, I was looking for a position out in Wisconsin. I THOUGHT this was part of God's plan! I THOUGHT it would all work out! I trusted totally that it would work... but it didn't! And I was very shocked by this for a while.

In the second reading, Paul is saying - Have Faith! It's not just a matter of head-knowledge, but a deep sense of confidence... of trust!

In the Gospel reading, Peter sees Jesus and says, "Lord if it's you... call me to you," and he walked out. We often slam him for not having enough faith, but truth is... he actually did get out of the boat and walked on water for a little while at least. Peter had to trust that God had him.

I trusted that I'd get that job in Wisconsin - because I wanted it! I wanted my plan to be God's plan. I trusted... in my plan, not necessarily in God's plan.

Many years ago, I was leaving the bed-side of a parishioner at Johns Hopkins hospital, and decided to take the stairs. I went down one of the side stairwells, and was very surprised to find there, seated on one of the steps, the wife of another parishioner. Her husband had had a cerebral aneurysm, and was in a coma. The doc's didn't give much hope at that point. She'd been praying, for weeks. she prayed, and got others to pray. She wasn't sure things would go her way... she wasn't sure her husband would get better much less live.

we sat there talking for a good long while. It was one of those uncommon conversation where you know you have to listen to what the other person is saying because they're talking about life- their life, and their belief, and their God.

She talked about her faith, and how in times like this, it was hard to believe. We talked about God, and what God might or might not be like. And, in that empty stair-well, we prayed. Well, as time went on, her husband not only came out of the coma, but recovered fully. And the medical people called it a medical miracle.

But sometimes, it doesn't turn out that good. Have you ever been in a situation where you couldn't even feel God's presence? Have you ever been in a situation where you doubted? To really wonder, I think, sometimes can be a part of the human experience. Perhaps, to sometimes wonder if God really has your back!

For Paul - your thoughts... your ideas, your ideas, your doubts, don't matter! It's the ideas of God that matter... so trust that! And it's about telling that story! Of that kind of God! Of what it means to be God's own! ...Even in times of crisis, of despair, doubt!

Keep walking... even if it's in a storm... keep walking, even if it's in a crisis... even if it's on water... keep walking! Even if you have to say, "Lord, save me", (which, BTW is an act of faith!)... keep walking.

When I got to seminary, one of the professors told us, "if you haven't had a crisis of faith yet, you will before you graduate here!" Well, I had mine back in undergraduate school. I got to the point where I questioned whether there even was a God or not. It was my dark night of the soul. But I kept walking... sometimes it felt more like a crawl, gasping for air. But I came out of it on the other side a changed person. God changed for me... my experience of God changed, my beliefs about God changed.

Sometimes as a pastor, I can talk from the point of view of pure doctrine, dogma and theology... theology void of the messy human experience

Sometimes as a pastor I can talk about the human experience and almost never use any of the expensive theological words... or not even mention words like God, or Jesus, or sacraments.

Sometimes as pastor I can talk about the human experience and not help but talk about a God that's real and alive and active in the world.

And sometimes as a human being I have a hard time remaining a theologian... sometimes it's hard to bring the word of hope in a desperate situation.

Sometimes saying, "it'll get better", or "God loves you", even though I may believe that... can sound hollow to someone mourning the death of a loved one, or the loss of a job, or a home, or a marriage.

In my story of despair, I kept walking... on my knees, crawling on my belly sometimes. Yet how helpful can this story be when someone else is in despair? I kept walking... then, and still now! I can walk with you if you want.

Boil it down in fact, and that's really all we can say to each other..."I'll walk with you." "And someday I may need you to walk with me."

On this side of the Eschaton (a big theological word having to do with the end-times), we do not have ultimate answers! We may not even have ultimate trust (it's hard to get our "stuff" out of the way of God's stuff for us) What we want to have happen seems to trump what God wants to have happen for us.

There's a lot we have to work through, a lot we have to let go of. It's a process for sure. But - we have to fall back on something! Ultimately it may not be a matter of we think or feel, or question, or doubt, or believe, or struggle with... but a question of who God is... as best we get - A God of Life, and Love and Relationship.

So... we keep walking!