Christmas Eve

What a wonderful service this is – year by year it always is such a meaningful time here.  We start in semi darkness for a purpose.  Actually a few purposes.    There’s the aesthetic component – it sure does lend to a real sense of listening and quiet, observation.   Then we light the candles and dim the lights even more until they’re off and we sing “Silent Night”.   Wow – what a moment!  

Light.  This was our theme for Advent.    Actually this is a pretty “human” theme.   Light and darkness – these are in many ways pre-cognitive.    It’s a subject that “myths” are made of.     Myth – a human truth about life told in story form.   We all struggle with Light and Darkness in us.    The movie series “Star Wars” had that as one of its themes.     It’s a very old theme… a theme we humans have been working through in our lives since the beginning.     And we’re still working through our “light and dark” issues on an individual level.          

I remember many years ago in one of my sermons, I mentioned something about how I had some regrets… some things I did or said I wish hadn’t.   And a lovely woman, older than me by a few decades, came to me and, with a lovely, gracious smile,  said, “I hope when you get older, you’ll learn to forgive yourself”, as she patted my arm.   Light.

While it’s true, no one can get through life without regrets and self-judgment, it’s what we do with this that seems to hurt or save us.   Pick the light.   Pick the light of God’s grace and peace.  

Andy and I had started life as teacher and student.   When I first met him, he was my Social Studies teacher in 8^th grade.   We were both in Chile, South America at the time.    My parents and Andy also hit I off – Andy would come over to the house and spend time with them and me – lunches, dinners, etc.  

We’d stayed in touch over the years, but we never spent the same amount of time as we did back then.   He ended up becoming a professor at a small liberal arts college outside Madison WI.   We’d call each other once and a while to catch up, to talk about life; the deeper meanings, the journey this life presented to us.  

I had a chance to go visit he and his family back in 2006.   After a family dinner, he and I spent the first night together catching up.    And again we talked about life.    And one of the things he said struck me then pretty hard, and has stayed with me ever since.    After he left Chile, he went to El Salvador to work as a teacher again.     While he was there, the civil war was blazing hotter and hotter – people were dying; poor people, who had little to know voice in government.     Safely ensconced in the “safer” area, with the other American teachers, he would read the underground reports of the abuse and violence perpetrated on the populace outside the bigger cities.    He would hear the stories.   And he felt he had to do something.   

He told me he’d had a chance to meet the rebels.   And over time they asked him whether he would join them.   His heart felt it was the right thing to do!   As this request grew on him, as this seed took hold of his spirit, he knew more and more this was indeed the right thing to do.   But…  in spite of that, the other side of the ledger had its own tally’;  you’re American, you need to return home; you’re a school teacher in an International School in San Salvador; why are you making this your fight?     So reluctantly, he told them no, he would not join them.     And there in his living room, many years after the fact, he relived this regret.  And he told me, “if there’s a hell, I’ll be in it.”   He had had a chance to really put his ideals on the line… he’d had a chance to follow his for-real life path (or so he believed at the time) and he turned from that path.    Now, he wasn’t a bad man at all – in fact, he was a very good man.  So I could understand how he felt this way.   

He ended up dying of a heart attack while he was out winter camping with his son’s Boy Scout Troop.    I would love to believe he is not in the hell of his own making, that he has ultimately – over time – chosen the path of Light in the next world.  

I know this isn’t a very “Christmassy” kind of story… but it makes me think of how important Light – the Light of God is to us.   

Light.   Light.   

Everyone in the neighborhood – or at least the locals, the ones who lived and worked in the area –knew Greg.    He was the local schmoozer, scammer.    He was a very nice guy.   Amiable, friendly.  But you knew he might get to the point of trying to hustle some money from you.    He’d have these pretty elaborate, fanciful stories, and he’d end them with – “can you help me out with some money?”   I knew the stories wouldn’t hold up to scrutiny very well.   And I’d push, and sometimes the stories would collapse under their own weight.    

But sometimes we’d give him money, just because… well it was Greg, and we liked him.   I didn’t get the idea every cent and dollar would be spend on unhealthy living, but while out driving sometimes I’d see Greg walking with a six-pack of beer under his arm.

Then for a few years, I didn’t see Greg anywhere.    I was walking in a convenience store at one point, and there was Greg, working and busy!    I was pleased to see him there.   Now, it wasn’t the best job in the world, but he looked happy – you know, busy-happy, like things were hard, but turning around for him.    We talked a little while, catching up quick.  I told him it was good to see him.  

Since the store wasn’t in my local area, I didn’t go back.  Then one day, he came by.  He had a story again, but this time it seemed different.   He’d been injured at work, and had trouble with insurance.  In fact he couldn’t move very well – he had some sort of kidney issue, or something like that.    He said he had to go to the hospital, but had no money to get there.    He looked serious, he looked worried and concerned – I didn’t get sense he was hustling this time.    So I told him I’d take him to the hospital.  No thank you, he said, he just needed me to take him to the bus stop.    When we got there, he got out of the car.   He was so worried.   I handed him about 20 dollars – what I had in my pocket.    He turned and thanked me… and he said words I’ll never forget.   Trying to hold back some tears, he said;  “I’m not bad…  I’m not bad.   Maybe I didn’t always make the best choices, but I’m not bad!”      You’re not bad, Greg!        We said a prayer for healing and peace, and with cars collecting behind me, I had to drive away.

I’d wondered about Greg for quite some time after that, wondering what had become of him.    Then about a year later, as I was delivering some food to the local shelter, there was Greg again!    He was there, healthy looking and much stronger.   I asked how things had been going, and he told me things were a lot better.  That he was working and living at the shelter.   Wow – good for you, Greg!    

I say this story because of Light!   He reminded me we all have light in us.  It’s just that sometimes some of us have a harder time showing it.   And sometimes the hard-cases of our lives harden us to the light in them.    

Tonight, we remember Gods light!    Tonight we remember the people Gods light is in – there will be time enough later on in the year to forget… but tonight we remember God’s light!    So, yes, this is a service of Light!   Light!   Let the light shine – let the light of God shine!