Lenten Message

Here’s a poem by Mark Van Doren

Captain, you know my sins.

You kept the log; you cannot have forgotten

That sleeping at the wheel. We did not founder,

And yet I closed my eyes, and a wave came

So broadside, we shivered.

Master on sea, on land, you know my weakness:

Sloth, and a love of slumber;

Days wasted, beautiful deeds

Not done when I could have done them.

Or could I? Who can say? Breathe now

The truth upon me, even if it

Blasts me.

Now is the time, the midnight hour

When I am low,

Am longing to confess.

Or wait till I grow proud again, the memory

Of all this gone from me. If it is better thus,

Smite them. You are the swordsman,

I am the receiver. As you will,

O, executioner with lifted arm.

My neck is bare.

Is this about guilt? About living with something done or undone, etched in the rock of time, that cannot be changed? Is it about being ready to change?

Below is a video from a group called Creed – the song “My Own Prison”, is probably over 10 years old. And by the lyrics you can probably figure out it’s about “guilt”… the guilt we carry around with us, the effects of it, etc. We all carry a burden or two – things we should have done but didn’t, a memory of some actions or words, etc., something that comes with us from place to place. And it’s about feeling imprisoned by them… about being judged and sentenced by them.

It may not be obvious all the time, but in the quiet moments, these memories can make their presence known.

The video clip comes from a movie called “Return to Paradise”, with Anne Heche, Vince Vaughn, and Joaquin Phoenix - about a couple of friends (Phoenix and Vaughn) who end up transporting drugs through Malaysia. Phoenix’s character gets caught – and Vaughn leaves him behind to do some time there. Phoenix will probably face some stiff time, and probably a caning or something like that. Heche plays Phoenix’s sister, goes to see Vaughn on his return to the US, to convince him to “do the right thing”, and go back and tell the judge that Phoenix was not alone, that he did not carry the burden by himself. Maybe this would help her brother return to the US more quickly. That doesn’t work – he says No!... that is, until guilt, remorse, and a sense of justice overtake him, and he returns to Malaysia to face the music.

By this point, Heche is back in Malaysia making a big political stink there- talking to the media, putting pressure on the justice system, etc. By the time Phoenix goes to trial, Vaughn is already there, doing his time. The opening scene in the clip is where Phoenix’s character is sentenced to death. Heche’s character has put so much pressure on the judge, that he felt he would have lost face had he done anything short of sentence her brother to death.

Then the clip moves to the scene’s of Phoenix’s character being moved to the gallows. All this while accompanied by the rather serious song. Why do the song and the video fit together? Because sometimes we feel the burdens we carry can be as oppressive as being on death row (or at least as oppressive as we assume death row may be like – don’t know anyone who has ever been on death row!) Or maybe it’s that sometimes our guilt can feel like it’s condemning us to death.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7kL4WZxRXA

What’s the final word here? That guilt and justice prevail? That we are condemned? When I did prison ministry… the themes that people longed to hear were Grace and Compassion… and Forgiveness… so they could forgive themselves.

Sometimes in the long road of life, in those long nights, we can be overcome by self-guilt and condemnation, until we wake up and let the glorious morning sun burn off the memories of the long night. Until they come again… and we have to deal with them once more.

Lord… help me.

We have fallen before the cross, on our knees

Lord… help me. I can’t do this alone.

And there are the words… and a hand…

Stand up, and walk! Your sins are forgiven! Be free once more!

Free from your own prison! Le the light shine on you forever more!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOzZu0MDz6s&feature=related Enjoy this one!