Well, I never talked about it here, but for some time now (a few years at least), I've felt something that I wasn't able to expplain. It's somethign internal, somethign in my psychology. I've felt a real resonance with the idea of being challenged - physically. SOrt of like the story of the knight who goes off to face the dragon. There's some risk there for sure, some peril. And the knight certainly has to be prepared - so training is involved, not just physical training (you know, proficiency with his sword, shield and lance) but psychological preparedness as well (it's a DRAGON!!!!!).

So, I've had this sense of needing to face a challenge for some time now. About 6 years ago, a neighbor of mone and I trained for the local metric marathon (26.2 kilometers instead of miles). We did that a few years together. We trained together, and ran it together... lot's of fun indeed. Actually no, it wasn't "fun", but the sense of accomplishment after was good.

I used to be in the Army, and back wneh I was younger I did all these tought and fun stuff. I spent a lot of time in the woods being, as I called it "hungry, wet, cold and tired", but then I'd have something to tell stories about once I got back. We'd also compete against other teams in some pretty challenging events that dealt mostly with Infantry skills; like shooting, first aid, map reading and land navigation, patrolling, and a ten mile ruck march with combat load (web gear, weapon, and 50 pound pack), and since we were competing, it ended up being a 10 mile run instead of a march. But back when I was in my early 20's (It's now 20 years later - where does the time go???) I could put my body through a whole lot of abuse like that and still some out pretty okay.

Well, the years passed, and it seems I've come to my mid-life crisis. I say that, not with a desire to leave my wife, buy a red corvette, or anything like that, but more as a sense of assessing my last 20 years of adult life. I've become VERY conscious of my remaining years- whatever they are. I've had a close friend die about 2 and a half years ago die of pancreatic cancer, and being a pastor, I've seen quite a few people die in the congregations I've been with. The most recent was a young man who was my age. I remember thinking how young he was! And he was about two months older than me.

So, it seems every person faces their own mortality iin some fashion or other. And this brings with it many questions, brings up many issues. Although we seem to hear most about the people who don't handle this transition well - they run away from their responsibilities (like family and marriages, or work), but I also think our society doesn't see this as the transition it is, and therefore there probably are many people who don't, let's say, transition well.

And I have to say, this really is a transition. The symbol that I keep coming back to is the spiral - as you travel the spiral length, you come back to the same place, only closer (or farther away) from the center, depending on the direction of travel. I'm still attracted to the saem things - but in a differnet way. For example, I really do believe in God, as I did 20 years ago... but over these 20 years, I've seen things, experienced things, enought to say that YES there is a God... but all the answers I used to have don't seem to apply anymore. But the answers I DO have left, I believe with my whole heart!

I'm still the same person - but not exactly. Basically I'm the same person - still Chad - but I do sense some changes in me that I wouldn't have experienced years ago. I'm more comfortable in my own skin now than I used to be. I'm not as threatened by people and situations as I used to be. Love is different now - I've learned what it's like not only to have a spouse for over 20 years, but to have children - and love them so much. And friends- friendship now seems more permanent, more a needed thing in life. And the dragons are still there too... only different. We all have dragons in our lives - those challenges that seem insurmountable, too scary to face.

This time of transition has drawn me in. Seems I've recognized in it something sacred. It came more fully clear as I was preparing for the "real" marathon back in 2009. About two years ago, I decided I would run a full marathon. A metric marathon is 26.2 kilometers, which is a little over 16 miles. So, this would be adding on another 10 miles on top of what I'd already done. When I did my first metric marathon, I remember thinking -"there's no way I can run 10 more miles!"

Well, I decided I had to face that dragon. But this time it was different. My friend had moved away, and I had non one else to train with. So I ended up training alone - miles and miles of thinking... no one there but me, myself, and I.

Well, not exactly. I remember feeling the presence of my grandfather, a man I didn't know too well sive we lived so far away from them. He'd died in 1980 at the age of 60. He was a career Army man, a tough exterior, a grizzled WWII vet. But he really loved us grandkids- showed a much softer side to us. He'd been a very good father to my father as well, it seems. My father spoke of his youth, of times with his father, with deep respect. No disrespect to my Mother's side of the family, but I think in your mid life you also end up dealing with your "father" issues. Now, I don't mean "issues" per se (although that's certainly possible) but I mean (for guys perhaps more) whatever "father" stuff you have, seems to come up more... thus the Grandfather and Father stuff on my runs.

In retrospect, these training runs were very important to me. They helped me sort through things. Perhaps not in a talk-with-a-therapist way... but in a slow, mile after mile, one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, let your mind wander and see what comes up, kind of way. And things did come up- as I prepared to face my dragon.

I trained by myself for that marathon, I registered by myself, and I ran it by myself. It was a solitary experience, but not a lonely one. It felt right that I did it alone. I had to face it myself. And I did. And I dedicated my run to my daughter. Aside from being obviously a very physical experience, it really ended up being a very spiritual one as well.

And here I am, a year and a half later facing another challenge - I'm here in Las Cruces New Mexico in a hotel at 7:00 local time writing this. I'm here to face another dragon - the annual memorial Bataan Death March. It commemorates the WWII event - the Japanese invaded and took the Philippine islands, and marched the prisoners (American and Philippine soldiers) to their prison camp miles and miles away. MANY didn't make it. They died from lack of water, food, morale, violence. New Mexico had a unit that was captured... so they commemorate it here every year. You can compete in the light division - without a pack, or in the heavy division - with a pack. So I'll be walking 26 miles with a pack.

I'm here with three other people - this time it's a team effort. And this has been a very intense training time as well. It seems, again, there is somethign more to this than just the walking. The event is on Sunday morning - so we're gearing up for this, and waiting to see how it will play itself out.

More to come soon!