What is "forgiveness"? Well, that's simple - letting someone off the hook that did something "bad".
I think this is one of the most mis-used, misunderstood and abused ideas in faith. It can lead to a whole array of destructive stuff... ironic huh? The very thing that is supposed to lead us to peace and reconciliation can actually be a tool for tremendous harm.
How does forgiveness work? What does forgiveness do? Who can forgive? Are there some things people should not forgive? Are there some people that should not be forgiven?
It struck me as I was doing prison ministry how many people struggle with forgiveness; not just the act of forgiving (meaning should they or shouldn't they) but what it even means in their situation. "If I forgive, does it mean what they did is okay? I can't agree to that!" So what is forgiveness? And why is it such a big deal to people of faith?
Remember when that crazy gunman went to the Amish school and shot some of the children there? I've told people if I had been a cop and had been called to that place and had a clear shot of the gunman... I don't think I would have had a hard time putting a bullet in the guy's head. Things happening to kids gets to me more than others. I was angry when I heard this guy did this.
Then the families of the children forgave the gunman. That threw me for a while! I just couldn't get that. I understand it in theory - forgiveness in it's clearest form allows us to move on without anger and resentment and all that... it gives us a "clean slate" so to speak. I get that - in theory. But I guess it would take me a lot longer to get to the point the families did.
I just came across a prayer of forgiveness today... it was written by an unknown prisoner in Ravensbruck concentration camp and left by the body of a dead child:
O Lord, remember not only the men and women of good-will, but also those of ill-will. Do not remember all the suffering they have inflicted on us; remember the fruits we have bought, thanks to this suffering - our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, our courage, our generosity, the greatness of heart which has grown of all this, and when they come to judgement, let all the fruits which we have borne be their forgiveness.
What a Grace-filled act! Grace that changes not only one person... but the world! Amen!
Rubber meets the road: What are your your experiences with forgiveness? what is your definition, was it hard to do for you, etc.
3 comments:
Let's look at the other side of this topic, shall we. How does one ACCEPT forgiveness? That sounds just as easy in theory, doesn't it? The other person forgives you....you apologize.....you move on.
Easy so far. But then the real work begins. Those were just words. While there were (more than likely) real feelings behind those words, the words/feelings themselves do not change the act that caused the need for those words. Nor can they change the consequences. And the consequences are what really strike home at this point. You start to realize more than ever what you did to this person and how it made them feel or hurt them (emotionally or physically). Their forgiveness actually accentuates the fact that there WAS something to forgive. And it hints that they must see something special in you that allows them to forgive this act....something almost divine....they've seen a potential that you yourself haven't seen.
Now what do you do? Well, you could ignore it all and be cold and callous, refusing to believe it. Don't change, say that the other person is weak and the "flaw" is in them, not you.
OR you could try and come to terms with it and accept this gift of forgiveness. But then you're faced with realizing that you HAVE done something wrong (I use this loosely) and you have to FIX something within yourself so that you don't do it again. But most of you all, you have to accept that there is something good inside of you AND that you are worth forgiveness. (I believe this is what Luther struggled with all of those years). Because if you don't believe you are worth it, then you will only think that you are who you are and there is no use changing.
See what those words "I forgive you" caused?! Self-realization! The need to change! The need to love oneself! These are not easy ideas.....which is why it is so difficult to accept the forgiveness in the first place.
"Be alert for God-sightings this week," someone said to me, as we began Advent. And yet all these upsetting, pesky, annoying, unsettling things happen each day and I find myself getting angry that they are taking up my energy when I should be focused on those "God-sightings."
Could it be that forgiving, letting go, refusing to be defined by that unpleasantness and hurt is what enables me to let some light in and glimpse God during this Advent?
Forgiveness in the Catholic Tradition is a Sacrament...
It's called "the Sacrament of Reconcilliation". The reason is when Confession and Forgiveness is "done" right - it allows both the forgiver and the forgivee to really come to grips with the events and to really speak the sacred to each other! The gunk (resentment/anger/etc) that clogs up our hearts and souls comes out... and it set's us free in a very REAL way.
I think we Lutherans still have a lot to learn about this - psychologically at least. We call this Forgiveness and Confession, when I thing Reconcilliation really says what the this is more about. Well, yes it certainly has to do with confession and forgiveness... for sure, but what it REALLY is about is reconcilliation, about becoming one again, about becoming whole again.
And that is certainly sacramental... but for Lutherans this is in dispute... is it a sacrament or not? Some say yes, some say no. It doesn't follow the "theological definitioons the church has set up for what makes a sacrament. My response - so what! It's what can happen in the soul that makes something sacred.
'Course that begs the question - some could say - well if you define it THAT way... then there is the potential for EVERYTHING to be a sacrament. And again my response - NOW you're getting it!
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